I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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