everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
