He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
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Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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