ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
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All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
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The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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