Cold hands, warm shart.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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