Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
