My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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