His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
