let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
