The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
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Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
there is glitter all over my balls
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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