you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
