I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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