I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
