You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
