he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
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Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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