You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
