doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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