You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
