anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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