guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
