I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
