You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
