I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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