I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
