If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have tasted many bathrooms
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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