I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
