I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
