apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize