you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
