How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
