I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
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I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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