I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize