He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
