Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
