Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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