no. you can't hotbox the world.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
