You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My balls are so social today.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
