Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
