Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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