I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
