The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
