i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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