the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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