What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
