His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
