this boner is exhausting
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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