I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
