can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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