u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I've blown a few things in my day
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
