Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
