Pregnant stripper...not hot.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
