Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
