RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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