Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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