so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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