Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
