dude i'm inner monologue high
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
