??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
