I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
