I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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