Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
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I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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