Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
