There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
